Are you struggling to come to terms to with separation and divorce? I have pulled together 9 essential components that contribute towards helping you navigate your way through those overwhelming emotions. Essentially it is deciding to change your mindset. To move away from feeling a victim and coming through feeling stronger and to embrace a new way of being.

Darkness: Embrace your darkness everyone experiences dark thoughts, moods, and mind states. The Dalai Lama teaches us that we aren’t supposed to deny or reject our darkness. Instead we can light up our darkness with awareness, compassion, and wisdom. Identify your own darkness; whether it’s a fear of loss, anger, worthlessness, insecurity, loneliness.

Darkness is part of the dance of life, the yin and yang, however uncomfortable it is, welcome it, go into it, learn from it, it is not a bad thing. To deny our darkness is to turn our backs on part of ourselves.

Suppression of emotions and feelings can be likened to volcanic activity. If the pressure is not released it can erupt at any moment in other unexpected areas of our life, affecting us both on an emotional and physical level. By embracing the darkness, there can be liberation a rebirth, once we rediscover the lightness it is even greater. When troubled by something or someone ask yourself “what is my learning, what am I hear to learn? Watch and listen for the answer.

Fear: In our everyday existence our fear serves us no purpose, that is unless our life is in immediate danger and we are faced by life threatening experiences, such as a roaring hungry tiger, in which case our fight or flight response kicks in. In 1580 Michel de Montaigne wrote “our greatest fear is our fear of fear” and how true.

For when we focus on our fears we are usually thinking about what happened in the past or what may happen in the future. Remind yourself continually to remain in the present moment, we rarely experience the now, we are always looking ahead to the next moment, worrying, preoccupied, or focusing on who did and said what to you. Remaining in the present moment helps to keep you to stay balanced, focused and essentially to live with peace of mind.

Shock: Do not underestimate how powerful shock can have on you emotionally. Psychological shock can be a delayed response and may not come through until several months later. It effects both your state of mind and physically, and can give you symptoms such as stress, irrational thoughts and behaviour, palpitations, unable to make decisions tearful and insomnia.

Forgiveness: If you are feeling stuck and unable to move on in your life powerless to enjoy discovering the real you, finding a new partner, getting a new job, selling the house, and moving forward.

Whatever it is that someone else has done to you it is important to understand that there is really nothing to forgive. What we call forgiveness is simply letting go. It is not placing judgment on other people or yourself. When you are truly conscious and living in the present moment you realize that nothing “bad” or “wrong” happened.

There is no place for blame; it can be liberating to take responsibility for your part in the situation. To drop the ego of judging something as “bad” or “wrong”, and come from a place of acceptance. It’s over, it’s done, It’s history. It is as it is, only then can you truly move on.

Choice and control: Many people in the separation and divorce process feel as if they have been pushed and shoved onto a new un-chosen path. By taking control and taking responsibility you feel and are more empowered, and then you feel you have more choices and options. It is essential to remember that the choices you make will be positive ones for you and for others. It is part of your learning, part of your bigger picture.

Detachment: Preoccupying old obsessive habits and thoughts in the long run do us no good. Begin to think differently by releasing attachment to something or someone, whether it’s your ex, the house, possessions etc. For those of you who hang on to the past too tightly, this creates stress, resentment, depression and prevents you from moving on. You can have an experience- you are not the experience.

Acceptance: Let go, drop fighting the change and begin to accept. If you fought the change or are fighting it, you are only hanging onto a belief system or an old way of life, that is no longer valid and probably no longer exists. Let go and accept the new path give in and accept that this is what is. You will very quickly find life becomes richer and more fulfilling. Take responsibility for yourself let go and accept the new. Become the silent witness – for a fresh less painful perspective.

Trust: Learn to trust yourself, if you doubt your judgement ask yourself “why am I not trusting myself”? Take this opportunity to find out who you are and what you want. Failure as they say is an attitude of mind, acknowledge that it is part of the human condition to hit rock bottom at times. The trick is not to stay there for too for long and wallow in the misery.

Help: Asking for help from friends is good, and is an essential part of our human characteristics, to be able to give and to receive help. However friends and well wishers all have an opinion, “if I were you “syndrome, they are not you. Be aware of the reactions and advice of others as so easily, it is their stuff, a reaction to what they may be repressing in their own lives. When we are feeling vulnerable it is easy to feel overwhelmed, easily swayed and indecisive. When this goes on for too long, our confidence and self esteem and motivation goes with it. Take the bull by the horns and go and see a trained therapist, a guru, a coach depending on what suits you, for impartial and practical help.

Remember you can have an experience…you are not the experience.

If any of this resonates with you and you are looking to find help to move forwards with your life.I am offering a Free 45 minute Discovery call All you need to do to claim your complimentary Discovery Call is click the link I’ve shared here – then on the next page you simply select the day & time which suits you best.

The sooner we can speak, the sooner you get to be in control.

I have a limited availability for these calls, so be sure to click the link and get yourself booked in.